im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
