U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
