I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
