If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
