apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Randomize
