you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
