i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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