Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
