You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
