Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
