I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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