talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
