i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
