Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
