hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
