the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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