the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
that's an acceptable place to lick
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
