come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
