I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
