I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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