As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
