CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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