they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
