the condom got lost in my hair
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
