I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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