I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
