Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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