My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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