ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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