Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
