Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
