brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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