umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
