even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
