I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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