My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
