Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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