i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The adults are the big ones right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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