I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Barsexuality is the new black.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
