Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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