So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
