Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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