So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
