First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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