Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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