Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i think i just lost a toe
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
