stop calling my apartment porn island.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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