and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
please come you make the beer taste better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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