After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
