Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
