it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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