wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
