he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
