Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
