She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
